The family of the one I love is not willing to marry me. What to do?

 All praise is due to Allah. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 In our society, there are some unwanted incidents that take place in the process of marriage or from relationship to marriage, which has a far-reaching effect on the lives of both boys and girls.  Keeping the reality in mind, today's post is written with the aim of helping everyone to get some caution and mental preparation in this regard.

 First of all, let me share two facts from the daily happenings ...

 1.  The two fell in love together at Varsity.  After reading and writing together, both of them became Varsity teachers.  Now it's their turn to get married.  But the marriage did not happen.  The girl's father did not like the boy.  He forced the girl to marry another department teacher.

 2.  A couple spent their entire Varsity life together.  They have a huge plan to arrange the family by getting married.  But whoever did not pass, the girl's family forced her to marry someone else.

 Such incidents are very common around us.  You may have heard and seen many such incidents from your relatives.

 However, there is nothing new about saying that it is haraam to make love before marriage.  Everyone knows that.  But, the thing is - when a girl tells her family that she likes a boy, then (in our country) usually the girl's family does not want to accept it in any way.  The boy is good but the girl is not good because he likes her.  It is a psychological issue.  Many may make the same decision when they think of themselves as parents.  Because, the effect of such thinking is much more in the society.

 The same thing happened in the boy's family.  However, one thing is very important here.  There is a big difference between the condition of a boy and a girl - the family can't put too much pressure on the boys, the boy is afraid of getting worse if the pressure increases.  Again, Islam also says that boys can marry alone without anyone's permission.  From this side the girls are in a little negative condition.  There are many problems in the family of girls.  Again, in general, the minds of girls are much softer.  So, if there is too much pressure from the family, they cannot take it.  Many times one's will dies under pressure.  You have to accept the words of others.  They cannot revolt on such a large scale against such pressure.  No matter which way the pressure comes from.  Of course, one should not show too much rebellious attitude (considering the situation).

 So, if we think practically about solving such problems, it can be seen that the main responsibility lies with the guardian of the girl.  Although our social system says that they do not want to understand it. 

 "Girl man. Little man. What does he understand. How much he sees in life. Love-tem, love is nothing. In two days everything will be fine."

 Another fact is that usually those who are in love at Varsity report it at home at some point. In such cases, it shows that the girl's family agrees at first but their attitude changes completely as soon as the girl finishes her studies.  The thing is, they don't want to do it directly at first, thinking about the loss of their daughter's education, but as soon as the education is over, they immediately marry someone else.  But the fact that their Varsity life together will make their life harder after marriage does not often come to mind.  One should come out of such biased thinking.

 Again, many say that another aspect of girls' psychology is that they can be influenced by words.  They melt away very quickly in sweet words.  For this reason, there is a saying that boys see the face of the pot, girls listen to the boy on the pot.  tongue emoticon This is the reason why many beautiful girls are seen as drug addicts.  In this case, strict action of the family is desirable.  Girls should be careful about such wrong decisions.

 Anyway, let's get to the point.  When a girl's family wants to marry someone other than her favorite boy, a girl has to go through a lot of things, trying to persuade and persuade her in many ways.  Boys and girls do not bring this matter to their minds while making love, so they have to face a very bad situation.  Marriage is elsewhere.  However, I will try to give a rough idea of ​​the situation that girls may have to go through at this time. Often the main demand of girls is that her husband should take care of her a lot, so the girl is told that the boy of your choice cannot take care of you.  Thousands of arguments.  Here, the matter of wealth acts as a factor.  Marrying a relatively rich man has more scope to enjoy life, it is often tried to establish it in front of the girl and the girls start to find an argument in it.  If it doesn't work like this, there is pressure, blackmail, threats.  After all, the girl is forced to say to the boy in the relationship - "Forgive me."

 In most cases the girl's nervous breakdown.  Suicide is not a stranger.

 So, the thing is, such a relationship is forbidden from the beginning.  It shouldn't have started.

 At this stage, boys and girls who understand the new Islam of the modern family need to talk about such problems.  The problem with the boys' family is that he wants the girl to be very veiled, the marriage to be simple but the family wants one more.  Not only the format of marriage can be discussed another day but there is a lot of trouble waiting for the brothers (if it is a modern family) who show sincerity about their daughter's religiosity.  

Therefore, try to take care of your family now.  And the girls' side is the same as before.  Here, one thing needs to be added.  Deendar boys are a little behind the others in terms of finances because it is not easy to establish oneself in halal earnings in so many harams of the society.  So, even if the girl wants, the family rejects it.

 

 However, these events are not desirable for us at all.  The post is basically an attempt to deal with the practical problems that come up for the people in the relationship, so some advice to both the boy and the girl.

 For girls-

 1) If you like someone, treat your family first.  Explain them well first.  The consent of the daughter's father is required in the marriage (Unless the father is a transgressor. If the father is a transgressor, he is no longer a guardian).

 2) If you can't convince the family, don't go ahead with the relationship or the proposal will actually be rejected.

 For boys-

 1) If you want to marry someone, try to persuade the girl's family, especially her mother, not to agree.  Because, after a long family life, the power of the family usually goes to the daughters.  If mother obeys, everything is fine, otherwise everything is despair.  That is why a Salaf used to say, if you like a girl, send a gift to her mother so that her heart may be softened towards you.

 2) If you just sit on the girl's words.  Be prepared to hear ‘sorry’ at any time.  Send a direct offer or leave the haram relationship.

 For those who are in love, give strong advice "Akad".  As soon as possible.  If possible, put pressure on two families.  Stress even while reading.  This will make your relationship halal and you will understand the real attitude of the family.  Otherwise it will be in the future.